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What I Want

I pretty simple.I know that I don’t want to reach second generation to find myself crossing the Atlantic Ocean in order to be in a movie.I am aware of the fact that I may not be a hot piece of ass but I am sure that I can play under any situation any giver role.Except the dump and the hottie or not…(I don’t know I am still waiting for those IQ results got lost in the way).
Anyway my point is that I adore english language and the universal path could give you when you embrace the accent and the knowledge to read and write correctly,so,that’s why I want to be taken in the business.
I am mad about what I do and quite a perfectionist,I prepare myself hard.
And music.Always music.
Love xxx

The Ideal Of Love


But you have a touhous (ass in Hebrew) and a dick, who rules them all?


First thing, we started as friends, it was cool but it was all pretending…
Boy meets boy, the story is well-known. Boy likes boy, so far so good, boy doesn’t answer on the texts of the other boy. So, now, what’s wrong? Ok, guyz out there I know all of you that you are waiting for the white knight but did you let this man work his thing properly?
I went to a bar, I fancy the bartender, I went like four times, I know I broke the rule, I saw black clouds in the sky and the bartender vividly enter…my house. So I let him in, I let him sleep, I have a beard, I am bored, so passive or active? Are you out of your mind? You let me do the work so in the end all I get is this? he dumped me, we just jerked out and then he left.
On the other hand, normal guy meets normal guy, he is after him, he gets into his pants, they are having fun, he fucks him really hard, he likes it really hard, they are happy together but ok, they just don’t listen the same music, and then the “gurl” of the situation calls it a day and he never answers back again. The knight on this point obviously he lost his guidance, the Knight sais to himself, I am a man, so I have to hunt, so I hunted him and I still wonder why he doesn’t want that anymore? He remind himself that actually he is a guy. No, his just cannot decide.
So guys out there. I know that some of you, you like it in your ass, others you like it on your dick, some of you you are versatile (totally normal I’ve done it) but would you please decide what your mind wants? I am a man in the mind, I started all alone, running errands doing the flowers thing but at some point I get bored and I want the other to continue wanting me, so in the end we come both on the same place, love or whatever you give a name and we call it a day. But please when you want someone can you hold on this for a little while? and If you don’t want him please explain before you go. And for those who are a-sexuals you both have dicks and you both may use it, it could be the sensitive way, it could be the hard way, it could be your way, you have a body, you should use it. I am not desperate I am just bored of people don’t know what they want. Remember that the simple way is the only way.

people they continue give me hard time. On Thursday I kissed an unknown person right outside of the tube station because he asked me to. this means that people out there they need intimacy which is something that all of us has forget, your dick it’s a dick it’s what your dog has too but you don’t have to put it somewhere higher than your mind ( I am sure that your dog doesn’t like duh!). People do things for other people, to get these people, to know each other people, stop trying to raise your low self esteam by doing sex and nothing else cause this by the time is running out.
And now I don’t know If I tell this to myself or to you.
I have a selfesteam I am the one that gets lost in the way but I always explain when I have to go.

Εθνικό Προϊον

Σήμερα γιορτάζεται το “εθνικό μας προϊον” Οδυσσέας Ελύτης.
Θα προσπαθήσω να διατυπώσω ότι είναι να πω χωρίς να προσβάλω κανέναν και τίποτα.Δεν είναι τυχαίο που τιμήθηκε με το Νόμπελ ενας άνθρωπος που το έργο του μετρούσε χρόνια περισυλλογής πριν έρθει το βραβείο,κάτι για το οποίο εκείνος φαντάζομαι δεν θα κυνηγούσε.Είναι η πίστη ενός ανθρώπου σε κάτι που με κάνει να αμφιβάλλω σε ποιά στροφή στις μέρες μας έχουμε κάνει και έχουν όλα στερέψει εκεί.Οι άνθρωποι εδώ που ζω αμοίβονται όταν δίνουν τη ζωή τους σε κάτι και αυτό το καταλαβαίνεις,οι άνθρωποι εκεί που μεγάλωσα προσπαθούσαν παντα να φέρουν στο τραπέζι περισσότερα από όσα μπορούσαν,η Ελλαδα ήταν παντα ένας τόπος με υπέροχους λογοτέχνες,ανθρώπους που “μέστωναν” τη σκέψη τους τα βράδια και διάβαζαν και κατακερμάτιζαν και μετουσίωναν τη σκέψη τους πάνω σε ένα χαρτί.Δεν νιωθω πως φέρω αυτή τη παράδoση στους πνευμονες μου,δεν νιωθω καν πως πρέπει να αναφέρομαι σε αυτή,την αξιοθαυμαστη δύναμη που τους κρατούσε εκεί,πάνω απο ένα λευκό χαρτί και έκαναν χιλιόμετρα και απέραντους χειμώνες στις θάλασσες γραμμάτων.Ο Ελύτης σήμερα μου διδάσκει πως ο καθένας πρέπει να βρει το δικό του “θεό” μέσα του και να τον ακολουθήσει,στο θάνατο,στη φωτιά,να γεράσει μαζί του,να περάσει ομορφες και άσχημες στηγμές. Η Ελλάδα θα ειναι πάντα για κάποιους ανθρώπους ένας τόπος σταματημένος,ένας τόπος που η φύση θα κυριαρχεί και ο χρόνος θα επαναλαμβάνεται κατω απο τον ήλιο κάθε μερα,που θα βλέπει τη θάλασσα και το χρώμα της και θα σκέφτεται.Η αλήθεια βρίσκετε στα υπόγεια.Αυτό είναι κάτι που θα πρέπει να καταλάβουν σήμερα οι σύγχρονοι Έλληνες,γιατί δεν μπορείς να “κλέβεις” πάντα τις όμορφες στηγμές,κάποτε πρέπει να πονέσεις και αν ευτυχήσεις για πολύ,τότε θα πονέσεις και πολύ. (καμία σχεση αυτο που αναφερω με το κόψιμο συντάξεων,κοινοτικά πλαίσια στήριξης,οικονομικά σκάνδαλα και λοιπα)
“Εάν αποσυνθέσεις την Ελλάδα, στο τέλος θα δεις να σου απομένουν μια ελιά, ένα αμπέλι κι ένα καράβι. Που σημαίνει: με άλλα τόσα την ξαναφτιάχνεις.” Οδ. Ελύτης

Why Leave List

Today,all day same thing in my ming,why leave?
I made a list.
I don’t like making lists,actually I hate it.
But I did.
Because this time is serious stuff.
1.I have a dream.In my dream I speak english,I think english, but I kiss like french and I am clean as the Ionian sea.
2.I am bored of meeting the same people,watching the same attitude.
3.I want to work on what I’ve studied.
4.Music language,I never became a fun of Balkan music.
5.Spread my feathers and fly.
6.Sleep eleven o’clock in the night because I am not capable of keep my eyes open.
7.Work in the day,study in the night,read before I sleep.Running all day.
8.Eating at “EAT.”.
9.English cheap books,international writers.
etc. etc. etc.
there are not enough.


I just had a flashback reading the book “The perks of being a wallflower”. You could see I suppose why I read this particularly book,because back at “my days” I used to be a wallflower myself. Anyways, I just remember once at the first year of primary high school we have to prepare a composition about the color red and put  similes with the “red apple”, “red clothes” etc, I cannot fully recall it. I remember myself reading my writing while the teacher read the example and I remember me that I decided not to read part of my composition. Because, according to the puritan example, mine was inappropriate, so I chose to have a lower grate than read out loud all the sentences.My point also  is,as I can recall (this is really strange,I never reminisce on purpose school year,I hate them!That’s why!), that I detested the teacher for putting into the example composition the similes  in a row as given on the exercise, I felt that this is pure stupidity and that I have to mix them up so mine, it could be unique. I even remember the excitement of me when she started reading because I felt that my composition was exceptionally good,which was something that I turned down really soon…
My point is,nowadays,not because I want to feel special or something, I gather around information about polarity disorder, known as massive depression too…and I think I could be related to that because of the excitement on the first minute and then the feeling of loss on the next one. Not that I confirm that I am bypolar but I am trying to understand the way I am thinking because today I come to conclusion that though I was a good student on practice, I was a total mess on essays and that of course troubled my finnish grades and so I have to face the world with a bad opinion written,and you know “scripta manent” as ancients Romans used to say. I might be dyslectic too but I am definitely gonna find out that!

     A month or so I went to a casting studio ( you know one of those that keep some photos of you and a small video). I was extremely anxious because afterwards I was having my phonetics class so I wanted to be done as fast as possible. There was the usual guy (that now I cannot recall his name), so I fill my application and I was waiting for my turn (there was another guy in, first of me, though I was ten minutes earlier). When he finished, I enter, leaving the door behind me, half opened (I was asked so) and I was ready… Then the guy was asking things about my life and interests but with the camera off. I was explaining to him the situation with my parents and he told me something he heardImage from a Swedish woman; children are borrowed people, that afther their 18th year are free to go anywhere they want. So he advised me to leave my parents and free myself to go wherever I want to.
     I didn’t get it back then, because after I left I assume the guy continue doing his job properly without advising all the others too. But now I got it, the guy didn’t saw a guy just walk in, he saw a man full of energy and opportunities. So he told me all those things because I own to myself my freedom of mind.
     It’s very difficult for a small man to find out how he looks to others while he defines himself the moment he meets someone. A friend’s mother told me the same thing, that I shouldn’t be afraid to express what I want from the world, and she is probably right. I am not afraid to flirt someone, to show them that I desire to be my company but I can’t show that to my dream job and I dunno why. Lack of self esteem, I dunno, I was always with people with really low self esteem but I never felt bad for who I am, though many of them try to put me down I always send them away. I met a psychiatrist the other day and she told me that I see the things some kind of black-ish and she was right, I am not the no-cloud- in my sky person…I am really shy, that’s why I like shy movies, shy lovesongs, shy characters because they end up growing the desperation inside of them and at the end of the movie they rise the light to occasion. I hate the characters from the beginning they are powerful and full of muscles, I always want these to be dead in the end, though you always fall for their beauty, but I am good-looking too, you just have to fight more for my love and certainly is not a sexual kind of love…I think it’s time to man up a little…I think it’s time for London…

Christophe Honore est une magnifique maestro.
This is the french phrase I would like to start with. I watched tonight his new movie “Beloved” staring  Chiara Mastroianni and Catherine Deneuve.

There are a few little people in the world who can succeed such a mess in a film and though in the end you will end up crying, because the movie is about love. Honore once again manages to show us and explain all the complicity of the species of love through a musical attempt. The story is so tragic but the songs lights up the whole, eventually, in the right moments. I’ve never seen anything like this before that catches my senses and it is a truly catholic or for-all-the-humanity story. I was speechless watching the movie eating minute by minute from my time and turn it into pure gold, like a drug that makes you want to use it more. The end was breathtaking.
Now,beside the movie, the stars have something special, except the splendid Catherine Deneuve, I have to admit that I indeed admire Mastroianni.
ImageChiara reminds me of Melina Mercouri, her face, her toes and her weist. She is less edgy but more elegant and european in a way, a more “human” version of Melina’s who I also adore her.


Today I went to a place, to establish my participation to some new lectures. And there were you, standing alone, getting ready to smoke another cigarette. Do you remember me? is my only question. Do you still feel this way? The way you looked at me gave me the idea that you know me a lot and as the years go by you understand more of the person who I was back then, but nowadays, do you know who am I? Your face was amazing, just like the first time, your hair grew and you keep them longer, so beautiful, so black, so wild. I still like you, you know… I cannot forget my anxiety attacks and when I called you in the middle of the day, you were there to understand, the whole story started all wrong, I don’t think that now you want to be in a relationship and I certainly don’t want to, but something in your eyes show me something real and beautiful. Security.

You called me right out of the blue, just because you thought you saw me at the store across the road from your job, but I couldn’t help but wonder how little your know me, your penniless piano player and lyricist, eating in a ridiculously expensive bistrot. I run to the shower, I came out as fast as I could, I dressed up with clothes I found hungin’ around and then I went outside, just to see my bus leaving the bus stop . Then I called you twice to give you other options, but you turned them all down. So, I waited for the next bus. The bus came, I got in, went to the metro station, a hot girl gave me her ticket, and the right moment when the metro station, and as I arrived I saw your text ordering me to go back home just because your boy was near to your job. I felt sick really. I went back home, luckily the bus came the moment I reached the ground above the metro station.
Then you called me for a chit chat, which I interrupted to tell you that I am busy and I gave you the specific time for a rendez vous, the place is always your choice. I arrived almost at twelve, just because your house was hard to find but I felt really welcomed and sweet, like we always do, like a small play for the two of us. I met the boy you share the apartment with and then you served me some red wine in a weird glass. The wine was brousko, the way I like it. I chatted with your mate while you were taking your shower, he was a really nice guy.
And then we went to your room. It was so nice to see you again, your skin is familiar to me, since the day I first met you, back when you were with another guy, now with a different one, a more sensitive one, a guy I know and I speak to sometimes but I don’t feel guilty, I never do, cause you made me this way, I am your penniless piano/lyricist player that you always forget, the bohemian way of life you could never chose cause you always work hard to get what you want, a more expensive way of life, which let me tell you even I find elegant and beautiful and worthwhile, but in your script, I don’t have to get a job, I will lose my charms that way. Well, we had sex, I told you that I think of you as if you are always by my side and it’s true, I would never get used to your existence, you are always so into your things that the only moments I catch your eyes on my face is when we are making love. But I still like you, because of your face, of your consuming neediness of me, because you’ve arrived here a long time and after two months you called me, because now you give in to the disbelief of forever and you called me! the “foreverian” guy I am. You love making love with me, my cock on your mouth, your beautiful head sodomised by my weapon and your angelic hands hard like rocks touching me everywhere, you kiss me so hard, you bite me so well that I hurt, but I fancy you and I like your bites.
After sex, you felt asleep, how common. I did too, but after a couple of hours I was full of energy again, I moved slowly to the hall, I would like not to wake you up, you’re the one that has to go to work tomorrow and I read my book, I felt calm, after half an hour I went back to our sheets and I felt asleep too. In the morning I felt alive, I hadn’t slept a full 8 hours but I was well and full of energy. We drunk our coffee, it was very nice, I laughed at you for the clothes you chose to wear and it felt like my eyes were burning you, I am afraid I am in love with you, but you would never know, because I am your almost midnight lover, doomed to be bound to you and to your grace but always so free to stay away from you, this is the most kind and liberated relationship I will ever have.

ImageCopyright: Jason W.
Editing: Virginia X.